But you didn’t

Let’s dive into a question I often hear when chatting with girls: "Why don’t they want to get married?" A lot of them share that marriage feels unsafe—mainly because they can't always tell if a guy is truly a good man. There’s the fear of being mistreated, taken advantage of, or ending up with someone who isn’t what he seemed. And that fear has driven some to raise the bar significantly when it comes to marriage requirements.

It’s like now, it’s not just about love; it’s about assets! The guy’s gotta have a car (or two),a house, and a solid income. Oh, and let’s not forget the expensive dowries, often with the woman’s name on the title. If things go south and there’s a divorce, she might keep the gifts, the money, and more. That leaves the average guy wondering if he can even meet someone willing to marry him.

But let’s get back to the core of the issue: How can a girl know if the guy she’s dating is a good man?

The answer is surprisingly simple—and it’s probably staring us all in the face. Now, of course, no method is 100% foolproof, but what I’m about to share can really lower the risk of ending up with the wrong person.

Here’s the thing: People don’t date with purpose anymore. It’s all about having fun, but many skip the deep conversations—those really important talks about values, life goals, or even how many kids they want. Believe it or not, these are things that can (and should) come up before you even start dating.

Personally, I often get a sense of whether I’d want to date someone during our first conversation, just from the little things she says in casual small talk.

Now, I get the counter-argument: people can lie or fake their behavior, especially at the beginning of a relationship. It’s true. I’ve seen couples rush into marriage after just a few months, only to face big problems later. But here’s the flip side: it’s really hard to fake who you are for a long time. So, a key takeaway here is to date for at least a year before even thinking about marriage. Pay attention to how your partner behaves, because over time, their true nature will come out.

I always tell my friends: if your boyfriend is lying to you while you’re dating, it’s likely to get worse after marriage. On the flip side, if you’ve been together for a year, you’ll have a solid sense of who they really are. By the time you’re considering marriage, you won’t be in the dark—you’ll have a much clearer picture of whether this person is truly good for you.

So, if you take anything from this, it’s that these conversations and timelines can drastically improve your chances of finding a happy, lasting marriage. But hey, remember—nothing’s ever 100% guaranteed.

To wrap this up, I want to share a poem that’s stuck with me. It’s from a textbook I’m using this semester, and it’s what inspired me to finally answer this question that I’ve been asked so many times:

But You Didn’t

Remember the day I borrowed your brand new car and dented it?
I thought you’d kill me.
But you didn’t.

And remember the time I dragged you to the beach
And you said it would rain, and it did?
I thought you’d say, “I told you so.”
But you didn’t.

Do you remember the time I flirted with all the guys to make you jealous, and you were?
I thought you’d leave.
But you didn’t.

Do you remember the time I spilled strawberry pie all over your car rug?
I thought you’d hit me.
But you didn’t.

And remember the time I forgot to tell you the dance was formal, and you showed up in jeans?
I thought you’d drop me.
But you didn’t.

Yes, there were lots of things you didn’t do.
But you put up with me, loved me, and protected me.
There were so many things I wanted to make up to you when you returned from Vietnam.
But you didn’t.

Poetry has a way of making us reflect, doesn’t it? Take your time in love, pay attention, and trust your instincts—because finding someone who truly cares isn’t just about checking boxes.

This picture above I was my first year in China, on my second place (Zhuzhou) and I did put this locker on the feet of the statue of Emperor Shennong - but I did not found anyone yet until today. I am wondering if the lock still there.